How to Love Yourself After You’ve Abandoned Yourself.
Have you ever felt like people don’t treat you the way that you want to be treated? Me too! I felt like I was just waiting for the day that someone would see me and show up for me in the way that I needed. I would always end up so disappointed.
It’s important to know yourself and even more important to love yourself and treat yourself well because you are teaching others how to love you and treat you too. You will experience and learn so many things about yourself when getting to know others and your experiences through them. There’s so much to learn when you are on your own, but the actual test is who you are when around others. You will realize the things you dislike and figure out the things you like and respect. When dealing with others, know that everyone doesn’t have good intentions. Some people see your light, and decide they want it for themselves. Those people will take your light and leave you in darkness if you allow them. Through my own life experiences, I want to give you a few tips that I learned along the way.
The Tips!
- Know your Goals: Live a life with your vision in mind. Make sure that the people you surround yourself are in alignment with your goals. If your goal is to be married and have children. Surrounding yourself with people who prefer to be single may be counterproductive. If your goal is to be single, then surrounding yourself around people who crave marriage may make you feel like you are missing out on something. Those who want to be employed by someone else will have a hard time relating to someone that wants to be an entrepreneur and the struggles that come along with it. It is important to know your goals so that you can put yourself in the best position to achieve those goals and sometimes it is not about what you know but about who you know and how they can inspire you to reach said goals. Recognize when things do not align with your goals and know that it is okay to quit when you know that it is not helping you achieve your goals or helping you achieve some peace or happiness.
- You are loved and you are valuable: When dealing with others, do not forget your worth. You are so valuable, and all of the cards are in your hand. Without you, the world would not be as it is now. You are special. Don’t ever forget that even if there is someone around you determined to make you forget. Do not forget that your life is still full of love even when the people you want to love you don’t. Do not walk around feeling unlovable because one person chose not to love you. There are plenty of people in the world who love you, and more people who want to love you are around the corner. You don’t have to settle for BS you can choose to act like you are the most important person in your life and raise your standards. Your love and your energy are too valuable to settle for anything less than amazing.
- Actions Over Feelings: Often, we think of love as a feeling. Feelings pass. Feelings are temporary. Love is not about how you feel; it is about how you act and how you treat the ones you love. If you love someone, make sure there is action behind it. And make sure that you recognize that someone who loves you will show it in their efforts. Do not allow others to mistreat you simply because you love them. Love yourself more. Listen to people. Watch people. Believe people. Listen to what people tell you. If you are listening close enough, they will tell you exactly who they are. People will also tell you lies. That’s why it is important to listen to others and watch how they interact with the world. Watch how they treat others because eventually, they will treat you that way too. Believe them when they show you who they are. Don’t get so caught up in who they could be or who they used to be. The only thing that matters is what they are showing you. Actions mean something. Naturally, people do what they want to do. If their actions don’t align with their words, take note of that.
- Set Boundaries: Know and understand the things that are acceptable to you and the things that are unacceptable to you. Know when you apply those boundaries, life circumstances will test your limits. It is up to you to enforce those boundaries or let things slide. If you allow disrespect to slide once, others may use that to see if they can get away with more. Honor yourself enough to know that those boundaries exist for a reason. Allowing others to disrespect you is ultimately betraying yourself. Understand that you receiving respect is non-negotiable. If they disrespect you once, check it. If they disrespect you twice, check out. Love is not a good reason to allow someone to trample over your boundaries. Love yourself more.
- Accountability is key. The truth is you are going to make mistakes it is inevitable. People you love will also make mistakes. The true act of love is holding yourself accountable for your actions. We get so caught up in holding others accountable and I have found, that it doesn’t work if they aren’t open to holding themselves accountable. The only thing you can do is hold yourself accountable when you mess up and let them know how they have hurt you. You cannot force accountability you can only accept it. Doing so, gives you the tools to grow, if there is no accountability then there is no growth. Give yourself and the ones you love the tools to grow together.
- Communication Matters: Sometimes, this can be the hardest for me to do. I don’t enjoy letting people know my inner thoughts. Unfortunately, most people are not mind readers. People usually view things from their perspectives. Seeing as we are all different people, you are going to have different ideas of how things should work. That’s why it is imperative to allow people to know both your wants and your needs. You cannot expect things to work the way you think they should if you never put yourself out there. Everyone will not meet those needs, so allow others to know those needs to see if you are aligned or not. I will say that every time I have communicated my thoughts things turned out better than if I had kept it all in my head.
- Forgiveness is a crucial part of any relationship, especially the one with yourself. Sometimes, forgiving yourself for the pain you endured is the hardest thing you will ever do. You will think about all the things you ignored, all the thing you could have changed, and the things you wish you could have done better. You did the best you could have done under the circumstances. You didn’t know better then, you made it through the hard part, and now you do know better. Forgive yourself for the person you had to become to make it through. Other people will fail you, it is inevitable. You get to decide where you want to go from there. If you decide to leave, you can choose to forgive or choose not to hold on to it. However, if you choose to stay, you have to find a way to work through it in a way that you can move past it. Which is honestly, the hardest thing to do if you ask me. All relationships require forgiveness. Can you forgive in a way that 3 years from now it is no longer a topic of resentment?
- Healing is essential: Life has a funny way of beating us up. Life challenges us to see how we accept the challenge and how we respond to said challenges. One of life’s favorite ways of making us grow is by putting us through pain. Once we feel that pain we learn, we adjust, and we pick up behaviors meant to protect us from feeling that pain again. It is up to heal those wounds and those behaviors that once helped us that now hinder us. Know that sometimes it is easier to see other people’s wounds than to accept our own. Know that every person is responsible for their own pain. You cannot heal anyone else unfortunately. They must make that decision for themselves. Just like you must decide to heal yourself. The healing process may be difficult, but it is always worth it.
- Embrace Change: Life is ever changing. One day you are in love the next you are out of it. One day you want to be a doctor, the next a model, the next a lawyer. Careers change. Life paths change. People move on and people die. We go through so many deaths and rebirths in one lifetime. Avoiding change will leave you stuck, stagnant, and always hurting. Change is inevitable and unavoidable. Matter of fact, the more you try to avoid change the harder it hurts when it finally comes. Embrace the changes of life and know that everything happens for a reason and it usually happens in your benefit. Do not fear change there is beauty in things no longer remaining the same.
- Live Authentically: Own your truth. It is your truth, and no one can own it quite like you. None of us were meant to be like the other. We are here to inspire one another; we are here to incite growth in one another. How could we do that if we are all the same? That is why it is important to live your truth. You have so much awesomeness to bring to this world, and the world will never benefit from it if you are trying to live in the shadows of others. Embrace your light and let it shine bright because that is the reason you are here. You are here to be the best you that you can possibly be. Once you live authentically, you make space for others to live authentically too.
Conclusion
I hope these tips guide you and enrich your relationships with others and yourself. It will not be an overnight change. Real change is gradual. Give yourself time to learn, make mistakes, learn again, fail, and learn some more until you finally apply these tips. Don’t get so caught up in your relationships that you forget yourself. You are worthy of well balanced relationships with yourself and others. Best of Luck!
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